[
    "Carousel 7 broke down, but there is no mechanic available",
    "Popular park now features \"buy seventeen, get one free\" ticket sale",
    "Speed of ferris wheel set too high, causing whiplash",
    "New park constructs never-before-seen \"log flume\" ride",
    "Visitors allegedly getting lost in park due to too many paths that lead nowhere",
    "Performance artist locks themselves in ferris wheel pod for eight weeks",
    "Newspaper declares log flume high risk ride due to \"too many splinters\"",
    "Newspaper declares log flume high risk ride due to them being \"too wet\"",
    "Children excited by food stalls, saying \"soda soda soda soda soda\"",
    "Ride ran in reverse accidentally, making passengers younger",
    "Cotton candy reported missing after log flume ride",
    "Umbrellas sold at half price due to passengers throwing up onto parkgoers",
    "75% of population's colds caused by log flumes, scientists say",
    "Height limit lifted for wooden coaster, making children happy",
    "Pants in high demand at gift shop, allegedly due to haunted house",
    "Violinist linked to coaster crash blossoms",
    "Log flume photos terrible due to water on lens",
    "Park visitor out of money, starts selling souvenirs to continue riding",
    "Uncomortable benches at food court causing visitors to eat lunch in bumper cars",
    "Carousel \"too scary\" according to four year old child",
    "Tall person mistaken for park performer on stilts",
    "Janitors spotted mowing the lawn below rides for no real reason",
    "Candy left on ground around rides - how did it get there?",
    "Florida Man spotted drinking water from log flume",
    "Disappointed mothers complaining about not being allowed to skip line with kids",
    "Annoyed queue members listening to another kid cry about cotton candy",
    "Path type changed below parkgoers in an instant, nobody confused",
    "Destroying decorative pieces is far less expensive than acquiring them, study finds",
    "Black Lives Matter.",
    "Transphobe kicked out of park, \"well deserved\" according to everyone else",
    "Homophobe kicked out of park, \"makes sense\" according to everyone else",
    "Racist kicked out of park, \"go be stupid somewhere different\" says everyone else",
    "Ducks running around park, asking for bread loudly",
    "Food Courts giving out free water bowls to dogs, people approve",
    "Too few news items causing entries to repeat frequently, study shows",
    "Park sign with \"No Entry\" written on it causing people to get completely stuck in one-way path",
    "Ride accident causing parkgoers to never enter a similar ride again",
    "Visitors staying in park for years on end",
    "Injuries are now forbidden by law, making all rides completely safe",
    "Rumored new ride with extremely high ticket price allegedly features a fruit as its logo",
    "Study finds that users who tap the ticket booth more often become happier faster",
    "New park named \"Seven Banners\" opened in Europe",
    "Grossest popcorn flavor officially salted",
    "Annoying family member wants pictures of everyone at a famous park location",
    "Annoying family member wants to stop by every single gift store",
    "Mutiple visitors allegedly only entering the park for the \"delicious burgers\", not rides"
]